It’s terrible. No, I won’t tell you this. There’s not much. Well, something maybe funny. “A Texas farmer was visiting an Australian farm for the first time. So he asked, ‘What’s that growing out there in that field?’ So the Aussie host said, ‘Well, them are watermelons, mate.’ The Texan scoffed at him and said, ‘In Texas, we grow potatoes bigger than that. And what’s that over there on those trees?’ The Aussie farmer said, ‘Those are our finest Australian apples.’ The Texan said, ‘Ehh… In Texas, we grow grapes bigger than that.’ Just then, three kangaroo (-people) hopped by very fast. So the startled Texan asked, ‘And, and what are those?’ The Australian farmer said, ‘You mean you don’t have grasshoppers in Texas?’”
“There was a man who was walking along a highway, on a very hot sunny day, and then he saw a sign proclaiming that he had just entered the state of Florida. And then a little on, he noticed a roadside stand that displayed a big sign saying: ‘Orange juice, all you can drink for 25 cents.’” Similar joke we had. “So, the man was pretty thirsty. So he came in and then plunked down his quarter and said, ‘I think I will take you up on your juice deal.’ The attendant filled up a big glass of cool orange juice, and the man downed it very quickly. He pushed the glass back and said, ‘Fill it up again.’ The attendant said, ‘OK. That will be another 25 cents.’ The man’s reply, ‘But your sign said ‘All you can drink for 25 cents!’ And the salesman said, ‘Well, that was all you can drink, for 25 cents.’”
I think I told you this already, but it’s funny, so we say it again. “There was one absent-minded person standing in front of a busy intersection, while the policeman was directing the traffic. So he kept bugging him, ‘Excuse me, officer.’ He was confused and said, ‘Can you tell me how to get to the hospital?’ And the officer was very busy, said, ‘Just stand there, and then you will get there.’” Stand in front of the busy traffic.
“There was a cowboy, he rode with his horse into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Over there, the locals have a habit of picking on new strangers who came to town. So when he came out, his horse(-person) was gone. So he goes back into the bar, flips his gun in the air, catches it above his head, not even looking at it, and fires a shot into the ceiling. ‘Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse(-person)?’ He yelled with very surprising force. So no one answered. ‘Alright, I’m going to have another (non-alcoholic) beer. And if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m going to do what I’ve done in Texas. And I don’t like to have to do what I’ve done in Texas here.’ So, the local people were kind of nervously restless. So, he had another (non-alcoholic) beer. He walked outside, and his horse(-person) was back. So he saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked him, saying, ‘Sir, before you go, what happened in Texas?’ The cowboy said, ‘Well, I walked home.’”
“John and Josh went into a posh restaurant, took out their lunch boxes, and started eating their sandwiches. So the waiters came and said, ‘Hey, hey, you can’t eat your own sandwiches here.’ So they swapped.” (Oh, God!) (Funny.)
“The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on visitor’s day, most of the prisoners have visitors of family members and friends, but poor George sat alone always in his cell. So one day, on visiting day, the warden called George to his office and said, ‘I noticed you never have any visitors, George.’ He was very sympathetic and put his hand on George’s shoulder, ‘Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?’ ‘Oh, sure I do, warden, but they’re all in here.’” Nobody visits.
I’m glad you like all these jokes. Otherwise, why do I work this hard for nothing. I have to screen all this. (Oh.) Go through all the garbage jokes as well. Some jokes I don’t even understand. Is it a joke to put it there or what? It must be a joke by itself, just put something there, for me to read all that, and make my own punch line.
“There was a woman, she just woke up and told her husband, ‘Honey, I have just dreamed that you gave me a (vegan) pearl necklace for my birthday. What do you think it means?’ So the husband said, ‘You’ll know tonight. Don’t worry. You’ll know.’ So that evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She was so happy and tore open the wrapping, and there it was, ‘The Meaning of Dreams.’” The book. The book of dreams. (Oh God.) Oh God.
Ah, Hap, what is all that? Why do you need someone’s company? She’s just loving. You good boy. You’re good too.
Checking out what’s this. “There was a gentleman, wealthy looking and well dressed, came down to the reception desk to check out from his hotel. And suddenly he realized that he had forgotten his luggage. So he looked at the bellman and said to him, ‘Oh, please run up to my room 843 and see if I left my suitcase there.’ ‘Sure. Sure.’ So he went around and started moving slowly. So, the guest said, ‘Please hurry! My plane leaves in 20 minutes!’ ‘Whatever you say. OK.’ And then he ran and disappeared. Five minutes later, he came down, out of breath and empty-handed. ‘Well?’ The guest desperately asked him, ‘Did I leave my suitcase there?’ ‘Yup,’ happily replying, ‘You left it on the bed.’” It’s still there. (Yes.)
“There were two boys, not old enough of course, preschool kind of. They were talking in the zoo one day, saying, ‘My name is John. What’s your name?’ The other said, ‘Tommy.’ ‘My dad is a clerk. What does your daddy do for a living?’ So the other guy replied…” What was his name, the second guy? What’s the name? (Tommy.) Tommy. “He said, ‘my dad is a lawyer.’ And the other kid asked, ‘Honest?’ He said, ‘No, no, just the regular kind.’” He’s just the regular kind.
“A preschooler kid and her parents were sitting on the couch talking together, while they were visiting another family. And they were just talking kiddy stuff, and he said, ‘Hey, is your dad the boss in the house? Right?’ And his father proudly replied, say, ‘Yes, yes, I’m the boss of the house, of course.’ And his kid said, ‘Yeah, my mom put him in charge.’”
“In the courtroom, the judge was very frustrated and angry. He shouted at the jury and said, ‘What can be the possible excuse that you give for acquitting this defendant?’ The foreman of the jury said, ‘Insanity, your honor.’ And the judge looked at all of them, ‘All twelve of you?’”
“There was a guy who applied for a job. And in the application form, he had to fill in whether he had been arrested before or not. So, of course he put down ‘no.’ And the next question, it’s written ‘Why?’ It’s intended for if you say ‘yes’ to the last question, and then they ask ‘why.’ But he answered, ‘Never got caught.’”
I don’t know why they make fun of blondes but here’s a joke. Whatever, you can judge. “A blonde goes to a salon to have her hair cut. And the hairstylist cuts for about 30 minutes and hands the blonde a mirror and asks, ‘How do you like it?’ She said, “Yeah, it’s beautiful, but could you make it a little longer now at the back?’” (Oh, God.)
“There was a blonde who asked a gentleman, ‘Excuse me, sir, what time is it?’ And the gentleman said, ‘It’s 3:15.’ And the blonde was very puzzled and said, ‘Oh, you know, it’s the weirdest thing. I have been asking that question all day long, and each time I get a different answer.’” (Oh God.)
“A policeman was watching a staggering man trying in vain to unlock a door. So he came and said, ‘Is this your home, sir, after all?’ And the man said, ‘Sure. I’ll prove it to you if you help me in.’ So inside, the man explained, ‘You see, this is my bedroom, and this is my wife.’ ‘And who is the man next to her?’ ‘Well, that’s me.’” “And who’s the man sleeping next to her?” “It’s me.” You understand? No, you don’t. You do? (Yes, yes, yes.) Maybe I didn’t say it right. (No, it was good.) “And who’s that man who’s sleeping next to her?” He said, “Well, that’s me.” You got it, huh? OK.
Photo Caption: From the Same Forest Land, Some Bloom Into Flowers Some Mushroom, Trying To Look the Same!
