There was one lady who boasted about how marvelous her doctor was. She said, “Wow, my doctor is terrific. He can find out anything that’s wrong with you. No problem, doesn’t even talk to you and is checking so much. You should go and see my doctor there.” So the other lady said, “Why? But I’m healthy. I don’t need a doctor right now. I have nothing wrong with me. I have no sickness, nothing wrong.” So the first lady said, “Well, but my doctor, he can find one.” Don’t worry, he’ll find one for you.
There was a lady who went out shopping and she bought a very tempting bikini to bring home. And she wore it for her mother to have a look and asked the mother, “Oh, Mother, do you like it? Do you approve?” So the mother smiled and nodded her head and said, “Well, well, this is really beautiful, I must tell you. But, at your age, if I wore this kind of bikini to go out, you would be 20 by now instead of 16.” Understand? (Yes.) No. Alright. If you don’t understand, it’s good. There’s nothing you should understand. She said, “If I were your age and I wore that kind of bikini to go out, then you would be at least four years older now.” Got it? (Yes.)
There was one person who had been awarded Person of the Year in a local place somewhere. So people of course came and interviewed him, and there were journalists and television and all that. And one of the journalists asked him what does he think contributes to his success? What makes him so successful? What is the secret or the key of success? So he said, “Well, I think there are five factors, five key points, important key points that make me successful. The first: I always treat other people the way I want to be treated. The second: I always sell at a very reasonable price. The third: I am always very honest in dealing with business, very honest. The fourth: I am always very tolerant, very loving towards my employees. And the fifth: My aunt in Cleveland has died and left me five million US dollars.” You got it? (Yes.) (Yes.) How come you laugh so little? Just because you don’t have five million US dollars. Right?
There was a man who came home from work and then what did he see? The bed was not made. The kitchen was full of dirty dishes and all the floors were smeared with mud and colors and socks from the children and dirty clothes everywhere. And then all the toys and children’s things were all over the place. Nothing was tidy. So, the man asked the wife, “What happened? What’s the matter today? What’s going on?” So, the wife said, “Nothing’s going on. You always ask me what I have done all day and today I haven’t done anything.”
There was a tourist from Holland (The Netherlands) who talked to an American. He explained jokingly about the colors of the flag of Holland. The flag of Holland (The Netherlands) has three colors – red, white and blue. Alright. So he said it like this, “Our country’s flag symbolizes the tax system in Holland (The Netherlands). Whenever we talk about tax, our faces become red. And whenever we receive the tax payment notice, we turn white. And after we finish paying tax, we become blue.” So the American said, “Well, we are the same. But not only that, we even see stars.” Is it so bad in America? (It is.) You said it, I don’t know anything.
There was a taxi trapped in the middle of a traffic jam on Saturday afternoon on the highway. So the customer was very nervous. He kept checking his watch all the time and said, “Oh, my God, I’ll be late, I’ll be late, I’ll be late.” And he said to the taxi driver, “Couldn’t you go any faster than this?” So the taxi driver said, “Oh, I I could, but I-I’m not allowed to leave the taxi.” Going faster.
There was a student who was studying the English accent. So the teacher was very patient and told him that he should pay attention to the way he talks because wherever he accentuates the accent, that’s very important because the question and the answer and the emotional sentence and the angry sentence, he must read with a different intonation. So the student seemed to understand. So the teacher said, “Now, read the question again.” And Because he read like this, “Where are you going?” So the teacher said, “You should read with the very distinguished intonation of a question. There is something at the end of the sentence. You pay attention to that, OK?” The question mark. (Yes.) “Pay attention to the little thing at the end of the sentence.” The student said, “Yes, sir.” So he read again. “Where are you going, the little fishing hook?” He did pay attention alright. If you don’t understand, forget it. I never repeat gossip in my life. If you don’t hear it the first time, you’ll never hear it again.
There was a person who sells TVs in modern times, and he wanted to demonstrate how good his TV is by running into the bathroom, which is about 50 yards (~46 meters). Up to there, 50 yards? To my car? (Yes, close enough.) A rough 50 yards. And he said, “Look here, I can even control the whole system from here. Look here.” And then he turned on the remote control and changed the channels all the time, click, click, clack, clack; oh, wow. And the old woman was very impressed and said, “OK, I’ll buy it.” Alright. So after she bought the TV, the salesman, as a matter of company policy, telephoned the old woman – not really old – the lady and asked if she was happy with her television, if it was OK. She said, “Well, the colors are OK and the picture is very sharp, but it is sometimes troublesome, you have to run into the bathroom in order to control the channels.” You don’t believe it. There are such people. We have a lot here in Hsihu.
So there were two young girls talking together about love and marriage and things like that. The first one said, “Well, the boy I’ll love and marry must be very bright, colorful and lively. And above all, whenever I want to be quiet, he must know to be silent. And whenever I want to talk, whenever I want not to be quiet, then he must know how to have programs and things like that. And then also, he must know a lot about the political situation in the land in order to inform me and discuss with me. Also, he must know about sports and the financial situation of our country, etc., etc., so that we are well informed, we can discuss and we can make a lot of arrangements for our lives.” So the second girlfriend sat there and thought for a while. And then she said, “Well, I think in that case, you need a color TV, not a husband.” You can shut him up anytime.
There was a cashier in a bank. The bank happened to be situated on the sidewalk of the street, like most banks that were on the street. So she was fed up with everybody in the street, just popping in and out and asking her what time it was all the time because she sat there next to the door. Everybody just came in and asked, “What time?” So she bought a big clock and put it right there. then now people came in and asked her, “Is the clock correct?” We can never solve all the problems. You see that. That’s the problem.
Photo Caption: “The Inner Beauty Will Stand U Out in Mid-Crowd”
