Master Tells Jokes | Supreme Master Television

2025-09-16 718 Views

2025-09-16

“A husband and wife were watching a movie on the TV the other night where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he was in fact cheating on her. So, the husband asked the wife if she would ever do that to him. And she said, ‘Yes, yes, of course I would, but not so much to find out who was the other woman, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you.’”&n

The Laughing Saints, Part 3 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

32:47

The Laughing Saints, Part 3 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

2025-09-15 942 Views

2025-09-15

Hey. Ah, this is a bad thing for dog(-people). I don’t think they should eat this. Oh, maybe have a little of this, for fun. Oh, you’d eat anything; you don’t care. Here, Hap. Goody, you want some? Here, baby. Here. Here Goody. You like that? I don’t believe it. He spat it out. I knew you wouldn’t like it. Goody. He eats more healthy food. Here, Benny. You want to have fun? Go. Oh, everybody li

The Laughing Saints, Part 2 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

29:18

The Laughing Saints, Part 2 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

2025-09-14 986 Views

2025-09-14

(So, the second number of our program today is our Indian brother that will tell some jokes for us.) (And make You laugh.) […] OK. Let’s hear some Indian songs. (Jokes.) Jokes? OK. The Indian people have jokes? Wow, I missed something when I was in India then. I never heard any jokes in India. I always heard something like, “hey” or “chalo.” (We tell jokes, and everybody’s laughing.) OK. Yeah.

Celebrating Vegan Moon Festival with Master, Part 2 of 7, Sep. 27, 2015, Menton, France

30:56

Celebrating Vegan Moon Festival with Master, Part 2 of 7, Sep. 27, 2015, Menton, France

2025-02-23 2835 Views

2025-02-23

A blind man was sitting on a park bench. A priest sat down next to him. The priest was chomping on a piece of waffle biscuit. Taking pity on the blind man, he took out another biscuit and gave it to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers carefully over the surface of the biscuit and several minutes later, he turned around and tapped the priest on the shoulder and said to him. […]

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 6 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

28:21

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 6 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

2024-05-26 4781 Views

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2024-05-26

A small girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said, “Can we leave now?” “No,” the mother said. “Well, I think I have to be sick.” “Then go out to the front door, around to the back of the church, and be sick behind a bush.” In about two minutes, the little girl returned to her seat. “Were you sick then?” her mother asked. “Yes,” the little girl replie

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 5 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

30:28

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 5 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

2024-05-25 4687 Views

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2024-05-25

When (Lord) Jesus was alive, He didn’t even have shoes. He had to hide everywhere, all the time. […] And then, after He died, look at how many churches we have. Empty; some are empty, some big and empty. […] We’d repair it. We’d pay for electricity, water, and food, and we’d repair. That’s the best way to use a church, right? Go and pray to God, meditate for mankind. But of course, we shall

Enjoying Relaxing Time with Master, Part 3 of 4, May 26, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

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Enjoying Relaxing Time with Master, Part 3 of 4, May 26, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

2024-04-06 4384 Views

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2024-04-06

There was another doctor. […] So, one day, he was invited to come to a person who happened to shoot himself accidentally with an arrow while he was practicing archery. And he shot himself in his own leg. […] The arrow went deep inside and half stuck out and half was in the flesh. So the doctor came, took a knife, cut the outside half and then went home. And the patient, “Hey, hey, hey…!” […

The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 5 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

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The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 5 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

2024-04-02 4057 Views

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2024-04-02

OK, now! Let’s have some jokes. It’s some Aulacese (Vietnamese) jokes. […] Now, there was a Master, so-called Master. I don’t know, maybe a Supreme Master even. He was very virtuous, supposed to be, and also very clean, very pure, like you cannot offer anything to the Master, for example, otherwise, your ID card will be confiscated! […] So now, this Guru has a wife and kids and all that, an

The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 2 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

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The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 2 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

2024-03-30 4439 Views

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2024-03-30

So, it’s not like you can bring as much Power as you want down here. You have to cover it, use the Light to cover. Just like you put things in a bag, the fragile things in a bag. […] You can’t just let it all hang out raw. Then everybody will get shocked and die too, or burned to a crisp, because of the electricity power. And God’s Power is zillions, thousands of zillions of thousands stron

Master’s Sacrifices for Love, Part 10 of 10, Aug. 29, 2013, Menton, France

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Master’s Sacrifices for Love, Part 10 of 10, Aug. 29, 2013, Menton, France

2024-01-27 4675 Views

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2024-01-27

This Master Nasruddin, He was very “wicked.” He told a joke like this: One time, Nasruddin went into a neighbor’s garden, took one of the melons and put it in His bag. And then the neighbor came out and asked, “What is my melon doing in Your bag?” And Master Nasruddin said, “I was also asking the same question.”You know what? I take a rest because we cannot talk. Bo

We Always Have to Appreciate What We Have, Part 11 of 12, Jun. 30, 2013, Menton, France

34:34

We Always Have to Appreciate What We Have, Part 11 of 12, Jun. 30, 2013, Menton, France

2023-12-22 4793 Views

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2023-12-22

These days I feel so much love. I don’t know what to do with all this love. I don’t want to leave, myself. I don’t want to go home, myself. […] So much love, don’t need anything else. “All we need is love.” That’s what they say. God. It’s really true. It’s really true. Nice. It’s nice like this when you have many hundreds of people, but you feel like one. Feels like together[ness]. How come

Follow My Example and Assist Humankind, Part 10 of 14, May 28, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

39:57

Follow My Example and Assist Humankind, Part 10 of 14, May 28, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

2023-10-27 4271 Views

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2023-10-27

So every (marriage) system is probably also according to the custom of the situation, of the land that they live in. It did not necessarily come from the order of the religion, of that religion. Probably at that time, everybody must marry, and marriage was very highly valued in their custom, so, if this order goes against the trend of society, they might not be able to survive.&

The Virtuous Essenes, Part 11 of 12, Aug. 22, 2007

34:00

The Virtuous Essenes, Part 11 of 12, Aug. 22, 2007

2023-05-07 4700 Views

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2023-05-07

I guess we all run out of juice, huh? OK, guys, every party has to end someday. Today, you got everything. (Yes.) You have (non-alcoholic) champagne, you’ve got chips even, and you got magic tricks. (Thank You, Master.) Go home, sleep! Got everything, and a lot of food still. Let’s call it a day and continue the whole year, happy! (Yes.) Maybe we’ll see each other some other day.

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 12 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

28:19

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 12 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-25 4125 Views

2023-01-25

A priest, drove a car. “Zig-zag, zig-zag.” So the police saw and stopped it, and said, “Father, have you been drinking?” You know, the priest. So, he said, “No, no. I just drink water, in the back there.” And so, the police looked in the back and saw a bottle of wine, not water. A joke? (She’s got a joke.) You got a joke? OK. Chinese or English? (English.) Good. (Th

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 11 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

29:48

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 11 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-24 4270 Views

2023-01-24

He heard something, “Bang! Bang! Boom!” upstairs, very loud. So he asked his friend, “Hey John, what’s going on up there?” So John said, “Ah, nothing wrong. It’s usual stuff!” He said, “What do you mean ‘usual’? Why is it so loud?” He said, “No, it’s just my mother dragging my father’s clothes across the floor.” So he said, “But why, if it’s just a pair of clothes, why so noisy?” He said, “

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 10 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

33:07

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 10 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-23 4307 Views

2023-01-23

Anybody have some jokes? Nice stuff. Tell me, tell me. Yeah, we tell jokes for New Year. We laugh for New Year. It's the best. All the stupid miseries, we leave behind. (Yes.) We begin New Year only with good things! (Yes!) Only positive thinking! (Yes!) Positive talks! (Yes!) Positive thoughts! (Yes!) Positive action! (Yes!) Yeah! Yeah, help Master!There was a man

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 9 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

33:37

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 9 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-22 4528 Views

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2023-01-22

“Mint Condition.” Lady: “I have to return this carpet I bought from you last week. You assured me that it was in mint condition.” So the shopkeeper says, “And so it is, madam. Just look at that hole in the middle.” I don't understand it. (A mint has got a hole in it.) Mint, oh, OK. Mint condition. Oh, yeah, like a mint. Oh, English mints have a hole in the middle. There are many mints that

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 7 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

36:52

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 7 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-20 4656 Views

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2023-01-20

There is a joke: Three men went to Heaven after death... brush up my German. Three men, dead, kaput, went to Heaven – foreigner German. Saint Peter asked them, “What do you want?” Each one was given a wish. The first man said, “In my last life, I was not so smart. In my next life, if I am reborn on Earth, I want to be smarter, say, a thousand times smarter.” [Saint] Peter said, “Alright. Yo

Selflessness and Humility, Part 2 of 12, Dec. 16-17, 2006

31:32

Selflessness and Humility, Part 2 of 12, Dec. 16-17, 2006

2022-12-28 6047 Views

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2022-12-28

I know you have everything, but you want my half sandwich. Oh, maybe one day you will have it. Maybe. Just pray for world vegan, world peace, sincerely with me. (Yes, Master.) And one day your dream will come true. (Thank You, Master.) I tell you when you are wrong. (Yes, Master.) I praise you when you are right, equally. (Right. Ye

The United Spirit of the Ukrainian (Ureignian) People Shines Before the World, Part 12 of 12, Apr. 3, 2022

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The United Spirit of the Ukrainian (Ureignian) People Shines Before the World, Part 12 of 12, Apr. 3, 2022

2022-05-11 4642 Views

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2022-05-11