“A traveler.” “A traveler named John pulled into a little town for the night to find every hotel room was taken. He pleaded, ‘You have got to have a room somewhere or just a bed. I don’t care where.’ So, the manager admitted, ‘Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I’m not sure it would be worth it to you.’ ‘No problem,’ the tired traveler assured him, ‘I’ll take it.’ The next morning, John came down to breakfast, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The manager was impressed. ‘No problem with the other guy snoring then?’ He asked. ‘Nope, I shut him up in no time.’ ‘How did you manage to do that?’ Asked the manager. ‘He was really easy. He was already in bed, snoring away when I came into the room. But then I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, ‘Good night, beautiful.’ And then with that, he never slept again. He sat up all night watching me.’”
I think I gave you [before] this joke, but I’m not sure. “A young boy...” Because sometimes I give [jokes] in private. So, “A young boy had just got his driver’s permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to the study and said to the boy, ‘I’ll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we will talk about the car then.’ Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he would best settle for the offer, and they agreed. After about six weeks, the boy came back again and asked his father about the car.
Again, they went to the study where his father said, ‘Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, and I have observed that you’ve been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But I’m real disappointed seeing as you haven’t got your hair cut.’ So, the young man paused for a moment and then said, ‘You know, Pa, I’ve been thinking about that, and I have noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair; Moses had long hair; John the Baptist had long hair. And there’s even a strong argument that Jesus Himself had long hair. You can see the picture.’ To which the father replied, ‘You’re right, son. You’re right. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere?’” Did I tell you this joke? (No.) No. (No.) Probably privately. Or maybe you were new.
“A New Pastor.” “There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians. Then their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly. All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. He said, ‘I have only one condition. At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.’ The pastor gave his word and deposited the check. The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. ‘He was an evil man,’ he said, ‘he cheated on his wife and abused his family. He’s stingy. And…’ After going on and on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, ‘But compared to his brother, he was a saint.’” He did keep his word. But I thought I told you that already. Never mind. In case. In case we missed it.
I’m sure I told this joke already. I remember I did, but this is so funny. Maybe we read it again. You understood my English? Right? (Yes. Yes.) It’s OK? (Yes.) Not as good as yours, but I haven’t read all this for a long time.
“One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside a local chemical plant. Before long, it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to the fire department for miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, ‘All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely.’ As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, the president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company’s secret files.
From the distance, a long siren was heard, and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company, composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant’s gates and broke straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance, the other firemen watched as the old-timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting, the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, ‘The first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that truck.’” Local heroes, Loco (“crazy” in Spanish) hero. Loco hero.
“A man…” I guess this is the last one. It just it keeps going on all the time. Maybe almost halfway already. “A man was talked into going horseback riding, something he didn’t want to do because he once dreamt that he would die in the saddle. The owner of the stables told him that the horse he would be riding would, on his own, take him along the trails leading in and out of the forest through the fields and eventually back to the stables, by himself. The owner told the nervous rider that there were only two things he had to remember. The first was that if he wanted the horse to go forward, he had to say, ‘Thank God.’ And if he wanted the horse to stop, he had to say, ‘Hallelujah.’” I guess we had this joke already, but I forgot.
“About an hour into his ride, the horse suddenly bolted down a field, and at the end of the field was a deep chasm, in which the bottom was 200 feet from the top of the cliff. So, the rider yelled, ‘Whoa.’ But naturally that didn’t work. So, the horse was about to leap into the chasm.” “The rider yelled, ‘Hallelujah!’ And the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. And the rider peered into the chasm. His heart began to beat rapidly. And he looked up at Heaven and cried out in great joy, ‘Thank God!’” (No!) Oh, my God. OK, let’s go, baby. Maybe next time? Let’s go and sleep. Meditate on God or what?
Photo Caption: Conversation with the Sun King:
Supreme Master Ching Hai: Such an extraordinary Sun display. What’s the message, Dear Sun King?
Sun King: World peace is coming soon.
Supreme Master Ching Hai: Yeh, it has been reported to me by many other sources since long, except, frustratingly, it hasn’t come as it should have.
Sun King: Because world karma obstructs it.
