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Between Master and Disciples

Be Your Children’s Best Friend, Part 1 of 6, Jan. 7, 2006

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You have to tell them the way you tell yourself, all right? Because, you have to be friends with your children. If you are not their friends, who can be their friends? You are the best friends they could have! In fact, the only friends they should have, until they grow up.

OK, next one!

(Hallo, Master. I told my wife. I said Master was there, and She said that you are really stubborn. And I said that after all this time that I've been practicing, even if you should have some doubts, you should by now know that Master is good, She is OK. And she's agreed to get initiated.) (Wow!) Congratulations!

(I've also got some more good news for You. My son, he got half initiated, the child initiation, and he didn't practice. And he’s a teenager, very rebellious - smoking and drinking and lying, and stealing and drugs, everything!) Oh, God! Drugs, no! You have to watch it! You have to say, “No!” (No, I did.) OK. (I was fighting with him a lot, and that created a lot of trouble.) OK, and then what happened now?

(But anyway, eventually he nearly failed his exams, and all of a sudden he realized that he would be stuck in this place where he doesn't want to be, he can go a lot further. So he cleaned everything up, and then slowly we kept encouraging him to come and meditate with us. But I didn't... Because a lot of people put pressure on their kids to come and get initiated, but they don't really practice.) Understand. (But for him, I said, “If you meditate every single day for six weeks, then maybe I will consider putting in your application for (full) initiation.” But first of off, for six weeks, he meditated. Every morning, he'd come and meditate. But I always treat him, what he says, where he... and not that I believe it 100%.) I understand. (I will see when he does it.) OK. (And then,) So he does. (he meditated. And then this time when I went home, I said, “If you read the five books, ‘The Key of Immediate Enlightenment,’ one to five, and if you read the Master's magazine every month, and if you go to every group meditation whenever you get a chance, then I will put in your application.” He also agreed. So, You have two of those people.) Yeah, good! Yeah, fine!

(I'm sorry to be so strict with him, but I know that he is lazy. And I want to...) He has to earn it. (Because I don't want to waste Your time with him, or his time with You,) Very good! (so I have to make sure.) Very good! If he does just half of what you said, then he can be initiated, OK? (OK, fantastic!) I walk half way. (OK, fantastic! Thank You, Master. But he is a good boy. He's very happy now.) I understand. (When I went home, he looked very blessed and very happy. Actually, he is a very good boy with a good heart, but he tried to learn to be bad.) No, no, it's not that. It's not that. It's just the peer pressure, you understand? (No, I do understand very well.)

I tell all of you parents, because your word really does matter. Many parents, they don't say anything, or they say very little, so the child doesn't think that it's really that important to stay away from drugs. You really have to say, “No!” You have to tell him what the damage will be done. You have to repeat again, again, and again, in a nice, presentable, logical way. You have to say, “No!” Just don't say, “Let it be. Whatever is natural.” It's not like that! Because when the kids go out there, they have hundreds or thousands of bad influences waiting for them in every corner. And they are vulnerable! They are kids. You have to say, “No!” You have to walk with him all the steps, all the way. Every day, talk together like friends.

And don't scold him for every little mistake or the things that he does, but encourage him and tell him, “This is no good. You have to stop it. It really matters to your health, your future, and to the family.” You tell them that you don't feel good; you feel really bad about it. You have to tell your feeling, because kids, they don't understand! Sometimes if you don't say, or you don't be too strict to them, they think you don't care, even! You don't care whether they live or die, they're good or bad, so they just feel rejected, you know, neglected, and then they get worse and worse so that to get your attention.

So, if you pay attention to them, nicely, I mean proportionately in the beginning, not like spoiling or over-attentive, but be like a friend, and then they confess to you everything, then you will know what they're up to, and what their friends are up to. They have to trust you, to trust you. And then they will tell you everything, then you can know where they stand, and then you can know what to help them. Because they are out there, they're very alone. You think they are your children, and they are protected. No! When they are outside in the school, they are not protected. Sometimes they are bullied in the school, and they don't dare to tell you. And sometimes they do this, do that, just to be “in,” in the company of other gangs. Otherwise, they'll be cast out as “no good,” “a sissy,” and then these names are very painful to teenagers. So you have to tell them what's good, what's bad, and it doesn't matter about the name.

You have to be their supporter, be their friend, that they can lean on you, that they can trust you, so that the whole world doesn't matter to them anymore, and then they cannot cast a shadow on your children. Because the bad society still exists. Especially the kids, other parents don't know how to teach them, and then your kids get bad influences from them, and they all infect each other. You have to plant your feet firm. You have to say, “No,” even if he doesn't like it. He will. You have to say it in a logical way and a loving way. And day by day, even if he doesn't like it today, it will sink in. And one day the table will turn, and he will see the bad side of his friends, and then he'll think, “Oh, my father is better. He is right. Look at you now! You are drugged, and you are that, and look at what happened to you! My father is right. I don't want to be like you!”

One day, even if he is already badly influenced, but your influence still counts - better than no influence! Especially, you have power as well. So, have to say, “No,” to all the bad things that the kids want to try and experiment. And even in something sensitive like the sexual issue, you have to sit down and talk to them. Maybe they know a lot more than you do already, but then you have to know what they know in order to guide them. Don't feel embarrassed about this thing, and then wait until they have trouble, and then it's too late! Better embarrassed now, than later! Or they might lose their life even, contracting some bad diseases.

You have to tell them the way you tell yourself, all right? Because, you have to be friends with your children. If you are not their friends, who can be their friends? You are the best friends they could have! In fact, the only friends they should have, until they grow up. Of course, they have other friends, but they are all the same age, they don't know much. That's buddies. It's not friends. You are the friends. You are the guides. They look up to you. And now that you have trimmed yourself, cleaned yourself, well, you are even a better guide. A better friend! So, in the whole wide world out there, they should know that they have you all the time. And that makes them feel confident, strong, loved. And that will make them beat anything else. Because if they don't feel loved, they feel dragged. You know what I mean? Feel not interested to do anything, and then they just try anything just to pick themselves up.

So, family love is very important to the children. You have to give it to them, all right? Unconditionally. Firm, but love, OK? Just like the way I treat you. I scold you sometimes, but you are loved, and you know that. Even if I scold you, you know you can rely on me. You know that I don't harm you. You do know that, don't you? (Yes.) OK, the same. The same, treat your children, that they know they are loved at all times. But don't just give in to their whims. Spoiled is different from understanding and friendliness. Be a friend, be their friends. Like, if they come home and confess to you something bad, like, “Oh, today, I did something,” that is supposed to be “bad,” you don't scold them right away, and say, “You bad boy!” and blah, blah, blah... You say, “Thank you, thank you for telling me this. I really feel very privileged that you tell me these things; even though you know it might be not very good to tell me, but I am so glad you tell me.” And then help them according to their situation. Because they are kids! If they make mistakes, it's because they are kids.

Look at you, so grown-up, and still make a lot of mistakes. How can kids not make mistakes? So, by the way, guide them, love them, and anytime they confess to you something bad, you don't scold them. You just tell them, you know, you're really glad, you feel privileged that they trust you. And that will make them tell you more. Because mistakes are bound to happen, and bad influences are bound everywhere to happen, so you should be glad that they tell you something. And then, according to that, cut it, OK? All right? Let them tell you. You know, act like a buddy, not an authoritative figure. Not too much. OK? Not too much! All right. it's a very subtle situation. It's not like every family is the same, but the guideline is that, be a friend. Be a friend so they can cry on your shoulder and they can trust you, and then they listen to you. Understand, huh? Thank you for bringing it up, so I can by the way tell everyone. Yeah?

(There are lots of programs on TV now that show you how to deal with teenagers and children.) Yes. (And when I grew up, we didn't have these skills.) Guidelines. (But now I think with my son, there was a turning point one day, where...) A what? A turning point! OK, OK.

(I always used to say to him, “Look, drugs are bad, and you should stay away from them.” But he was going out all the time. And some of the time we were fighting quite viciously with each other, and then my wife would be involved as well. And he would get her on his side. Then I'd feel way powerless and angry, and I'd say, “Well, you guys, I'll leave you two together, you can do what you like.” But I always tried to give him some good advice.) Understand.

(But that one time he went out, and I told him, “Look, I don't want you to go out. You are going out every night; I want you to stay in. You can go out on the weekend, but not every day.” And he went out that night, that’s why I confiscated his computer. I took it in my room, and I locked it in there. And he came back, and he said, “I am going to go in the room and get the computer.” And I’d watched one of these programs the day before.) Yes. (And in there, the trainer was teaching the teenager how not to get angry. The trainer was in the boxing ring with the teenager. And he said to the teenager, “I'm going to swear at you, I want to wind you up, but if you hit me, then you've lost.” So, I used that technique on my son. And whatever he said - he swore at me, he called me this and that, everything, but I said, “Look, I am not going to get angry. I love you, but I am not going to give you your computer back until you stop going out.”) Right! (And then he said, “You'll see!” So, he was waiting at the door. And my friend used to come to meditate on a Wednesday night. And then he thought that I would be embarrassed and give in to him, because my friend was there, because of this. But my friend came, and I involved my friend. I said, “Look, I'm having an argument with my son here. He's going out all the time, so I've confiscated his computer. So, if you don't mind, we will meditate in the other room today.” And because at that time, because he put so much energy when he was swearing at me and everything... I said, “Look, I've heard all that before. So, I’m stupid, I am so-and-so, I'm so-and-so. But I love you, but I’m not going to give you your computer back.”) Right, he doesn't deserve it.

(Yes! And then actually, that morning, I took the computer to work, and I left it there for about two weeks. And that evening, because I didn't fight with him, he couldn't involve his mother - she was on my side.) Understand. (And we were both trying to help him. And really lovingly, I told him, and I’d just keep repeating that “I love you” to him. He said, “I hate you!” I said, “But I love you.”) I know, they do that. (And actually, he lost a lot of power that day. I said, “Look, I've been with the Supreme Master for ten years, don't you think I've learned a few tricks?”) Good! So, what did he say? (Actually, after this time, our relationship improved a lot.) Yeah! (I gave the computer back to him, but only after a lot of testing.) Understand, understand. (And then I helped him with his study because the subject he's studying, I also graduated in that subject.) Cool! (So, we made a good relationship like that.) Very good! (And slowly building, slowly building, and every day, I'm seeing he's improving.)

They are in a hard time, in a hard time of their life. Teenagers, their hormones are raised, oh, that's terrible! (Because they have a lot of bad influences around them, like You said.) Also! (Other boys, they're with the drugs and everything, and they’re showing off.) I know. (And I can see that he is with people who are very low level. He is forcing them to be his friend.) I know. (They don’t even want him, but he's forcing himself there just to fit in.) I know, I know. They do that all the time in the school. Peer pressure! (Yes.) Just, you have to be cool, you know? (That's right.) Not just wear the same, but have to act the same. (Yes.) And if they drink, you have to drink. Otherwise, you don't get “in!” They will make fun of you and all that. Just you have to make sure he doesn't have to go through all this suffering for nothing. Tell him the value is not by being cool, but being a good student and intelligent, and be independent.

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