“One of the patients was very worried and asked the doctor, ‘Doctor, are you sure? Are you sure it’s pneumonia?’ The doctor said, ‘Yes, why?’ ‘Yeah, because I heard of cases where a doctor treated a patient for pneumonia, but he (the patient) ended up dying of something else.’ The doctor said, ‘Don’t worry. When I treat the patient for pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.’” You got that? “For sure.” Go on, go on. I love you. Oh, baby... Yeah, love you.
“Vacation,” now I understood. “It was two business owners comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. One of the women said, ‘I started a new practice last year. I insist that each of my employees takes at least a week off every three months.’ ‘Why? Why in the world would you like to do that?’ The owner of the other business asked. She said, ‘It is the best way that I learn which ones I can do without.’” No need.
“There was a dignified old lady who went with a group to see an art exhibition at a newly opened gallery. And one of the abstract paintings caught her eye. So she kept looking, looking. And she asked the one in charge, ‘W-w-w-what on Earth is that?’ So the man smiled, and looked at her like, looked down upon her a little bit condescendingly, and said, ‘That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.’ So the lady snapped, ‘Then where are they?’” Hey, what is all that? What a stupid physi-...
“A man tests visual acuity. So he tells the patient to stand 20 feet from where the chart is and to begin reading with the one eye covered. ‘Now cover with your right hand,’ and he reads 20-20 lines perfectly. And he says, ‘Now cover with your left hand,’ and he reads also 20 lines perfectly. And he says, ‘Now cover both eyes.’” He must have forgotten. It’s funny.
“There was a lawyer and an engineer that were having fun in the Caribbean. And the lawyer said, ‘I am here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed. So the insurance company paid for everything.’” So he has money. “So the engineer said, ‘Oh, that’s quite a coincidence. I am here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company paid for everything too.’ So the lawyer looked very puzzled and asked, ‘How do you start a flood?’” He knows how to start a fire.
“A man called a lawyer and asked, ‘How much would you charge me to answer three questions?’ The lawyer said, ‘$400.’ And the man said, ‘That’s a lot of money, isn’t it?’ The lawyer said, ‘I guess so. What’s your third question?’”
“There was a cinema photographer who was working one time with the glamorous, beautiful, young movie star. And then this time he was asked to do it again, to work with her. And then after he filmed it, the movie star wasn’t very pleased. She said to him, ‘In the first film we did together, I looked radiantly beautiful, and this time I look like a hag.’ So the cinema photographer politely said, ‘Oh, madam, I guess it has to do with the fact that I was 20 years younger before.’” Twenty years older now. It’s me, huh?
“A general issued a rousing cry, ‘Onward to victory!’ And half an hour later, an urgent message reached him, ‘Sir, need further instructions; Victory is not on our maps.’” Don’t know where to go.
“There was a kid, who came and exclaimed excitedly, ‘Oh, Dad, Dad, I got a bicycle from Mom. Oh, you want to see it?’ So he (the father) went out and had a look. ‘Sure, sure.’ So they went to the backyard, and then looked at the beautiful, brand-new bicycle. ‘Wow, that’s a beautiful bicycle. Can you ride it?’ He said, ‘Yeah, the problem is, it’s broken.’ The father said, ‘H-how come it’s broken? It’s brand-new.’ He said, “Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with it. Every time I ride it, it falls down.’”
“The doctor completed an examination of the patient, and then he said, ‘I can’t find any cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.’ So the patient stood up and snapped and said, ‘I’ll come back when you’re sober.’”
Are the dog(-people) OK? Any of you want to go out? Did they drink or anything? (I gave them some water, but...) Now? (Yes.) Maybe we have a little break and let the dog(-people) go out a little bit. Anybody who wants a break also can go there. The dog(-people) go out, you go in there.
Is it on, everything? Yeah? No? It’s on? (Yes.) You still have it?? (Yes.) God. Just to bring a few laughs to somebody’s life. If I cannot tell them anything better. This is probably helpful; good level.
“A man’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. And the father was so nervous. So the doctor handed him a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this and hold it high, so I can see what I’m doing.’ And soon a wee baby was brought into the world. ‘Wah. Wah.’ ‘Here, here you are. Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there’s yet another wee one to come.’ Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered another lass. ‘No, no, no, don’t be in a great hurry to put down that lantern, lad. It seems that there’s yet another one besides,’ the doctor was crying. So the man was scratching his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, ‘Do you think it’s the light that’s attracting them?’”
“There was a man, who came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, called the fire department, and shouted, ‘Hurry over here, my house is on fire.’ ‘OK!’ replied the fireman, ‘How do we get there?’ ‘Ah! Don’t you all still have them big red trucks?’”
“There were three men sitting on a bench in the park. The middle one was reading a newspaper. The others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines, and reeled in their catch. The passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. ‘Oh, yes, they are my friends.’ ‘In that case,’ the police officer warned him, ‘You had better get them out of here.’ ‘Yes, sir,’ the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.” Who’s more crazy? Like the joke I thought of: Vroom, vroom. The joke from the woman from Switzerland. So cute.
“A man and a wife returned to their seats in the dark auditorium. The husband asked a fellow seated on the aisle, ‘Did someone step on your feet while going out at intermission?’ ‘Yes, you did,’ he replied, expecting an apology. So the wife said, ‘OK, honey, this is our row.’” Understand? “This is our row.”
Photo Caption: Remembering Sweet Simple Home!
